Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
