I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
