he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
