we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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