We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
