Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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