do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
