I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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