Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
