Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
FUCK WHALES
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
