I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
