I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
