just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
