Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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