I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
