I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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