At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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