my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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