Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you will always have a special place in my vag
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
