Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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