I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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