They should really pass out barf bags in church
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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