I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so let's talk penis.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
