OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
