i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
