Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
