He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i wish my penis had a tongue
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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