did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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