Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
