yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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