Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
