oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
