Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize