Ambien. No doubt about it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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