I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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