Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
