Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize