There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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