dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
