I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
two words: eviction party
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
