Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
