I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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