i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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