the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
