Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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