Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
