Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
