Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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