Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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