So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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