If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
