Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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