Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
