It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
