The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
