someone get that fucking seahorse.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
