omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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