Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Why is there bacon in the couch?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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