I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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