I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
