i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
