she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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