I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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