Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
