Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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