plz talk dirty to me
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How external is "for external use only"?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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