I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
