Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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