you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
