Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
