yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
